The Material Guru
Madonna of singing pop-tunes fame has written a kids book aimed at passing on her superior moral vision to us plebs. Thanks Madonna! Thanks for providing us with the moral vision we so desperately need to move forward towards a state of peace and harmony…NOT.

C’mon Madonna you’ve just done adverts for the fucking Gap for crying out loud! Here you are preaching moral values while hooking up with a corporation who submits its sweatshop workers to beatings, verbal abuse, sexual harassment, and harsh repression of union organizing. Should we turn a blind eye to this or is this moral? Help us O great celebrity guru see the wisdom in your all-knowing vision! Help us see that the Fisher family (who own the Gap, Banana Republic and Old Navy Stores) are not being immoral as they busy themselves destroying the last of the ancient redwood forest in northern California and are driving endangered species to extinction, including the Coho Salmon, the steelhead trout, the marbled murelet and the spotted owl. Guide us O guru!

Madonna spake and said thus: "I'm not interested in being recognised as a writer, I'm interested in getting the message out there. The book deals with jealousy, envy and being covet of what other people have and what a waste of time that is." So wise guru, what you are saying is that we should not be jealous of the vast wealth that you and the Fisher family have accrued, for to do so is morally wrong? Yes? That we should be content with what we have, even if we are an impoverished Gap contract worker who’d have to work for weeks to buy your £12.99 book? Will your next book deal with the other moral values your business deals support? Profit over people and the environment. Or the spiritual superiority of your past advertising deals with Max Factor owned by the moral-beacon that is Procter & Gamble. By your example we should not consider their polluting, animal testing, low pay scandals, working with the military dictatorship of Burma and other activities as wrong. No, no no! If we look closer we see they have rewarded their CEO with pay (in 2001) of $1.14 Million….ah there is the moral lesson – we should not covert his wealth. Yes? I feel spiritually refreshed already! Thanks material guru!