Sunday, April 30, 2006

Local Election Guide

It can be hard deciding who to vote for, so to make it easier, I've complied this helpful guide...

Party :: Neo-Labour
Official Website :: http://www.gop.com
What They Say :: "Thank you Tony Blair, and thank you British forces for stopping the Iraq madman and his murder machine from killing countless more Iraqis and others. Whether to seize and destroy the WMD, or whatever reason, I am glad that freedom's forces have put an end to mass graves and terror in Iraq."
Reasons Not to Vote For Them :: Where do we start!...Abu Ghraib, Packers Field, Guantánamo Bay, ID Cards, The War , Dawn Primero, PFI/PPP and so on...
Final Rating :: While some would argue that local issues are not national issues - they are linked - Neo-Labour have to be sent a message from each rendition, from each bombing raid, from money spent on war rather than at home. If you vote - vote against Labour!

Party :: Tory
Official Website :: http://www.goatrave.com
What They Say :: "Dark Lord, I summon thee Demanding the sacred right to burn in hell . . . Take My lustful soul Drink my blood as I drink yours . . . LUCIFER IS KING PRAISE SATAN!"
Reasons Not to Vote For Them :: Councilor Richard Eddy - lord of Bad Taste and Corporate Flyposting.
Final Rating :: Cameron says we can be green and have economic growth - how? How do you square that cricle oh green guru?

Party :: Lib Dems
Official Website :: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Privatisation
What They Say :: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, we're different, blah, blah, no war, blah, blah."
Reasons Not to Vote For Them :: Locally there is the privatization of Bristol's sports centers and nationally the Lib Dems are shaping up to become a Neo-Labour lite; "Lib Dems guilty of 'Gross Hypocrisy' over Post Office Plans"
Final Rating :: Pah.

Party :: Greens
Official Website :: http://www.bristolgreenparty.org.uk
What They Say :: "Share a bath with someone. Who knows where it might lead?"
Reasons Not to Vote For Them :: http://uk.geocities.com/votenobody/
Final Rating :: If you're in Southville its worth voting Green. The ones I've met all seem very genuine, but then the Greens in Germany did end up voting for the war on terror...no matter who you vote for the goverment get in?

Party :: BNP
Official Website :: http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/theproducers/springtimeforhitler.htm
What They Say :: Brian Turner (Burnley councilor) convicted of attacking his wife and a police officer whilst a councilor yet the BNP refused to disown him. In fact they even defended him by issuing a statement saying: "we are not in the business of persecuting our members because the state considers someone guilty."
Reasons Not to Vote For Them :: Everything about them.
Final Rating :: Steve Batkin (Stoke-on-Trent councilor) has only spoken twice in his first two years as a councilor and one of those was to ask what 'abstain' meant; Wow - another reason not to vote for them - IQ.

Party :: Vote Nobody
Official Website :: http://uk.geocities.com/votenobody/
What They Say :: "Time and again we are asked to trundle down to the polling station and choose between a couple of carbon-copy candidates from the lets-accommodate-big-business party....."
Reasons Not to Vote For Them :: Because you want to hurt Neo-Labour.
Final Rating :: New Election Manifesto should be:
Bring back The Bristolian!

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