Enjoy, here's a sample;
Backstage, the geography was faulty. Miss St Albans wasn't from St Albans, she was from Watford. Miss Newport wasn't from Newport, she was from Swansea. "The Swansea title had gone so I did Newport," said Miss Newport. And they all went to pageants all the time - some had multiple titles, like a disease. Miss Bournemouth was also Miss Photogenic. Miss Torquay was the Face of the English Riviera (I didn't know the Riviera had a face). "Last year I was Miss Personality," said one girl with no personality at all. I wondered if she would have to surrender her title that year to a breadboard.
They told me stories. Miss Dorset once dated a football player whose ex-girlfriend ripped out her hair extensions in a nightclub toilet. She was also surprised because they had all been spray-tanned the previous night. "They sprayed so many of us," she simpered, "that the hotel air-conditioning system crashed due to overload." Miss St Helens stood in front of a mirror listing her perceived physical defects to me: "Makeup, hair, posture, bum, boobs, legs, walking." The only degrees here were degrees of self-loathing. The fear was real.